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A Real Story About Extra-marital Affairs

posted Jun 2, 2011, 11:52 AM by Bruce Cowper-Smith
She says..." When your spouse says their vows, its with the hope from that day forward you're the only one that will ever be on their mind and you're the only one they write special notes of affection to, and you're the only one they whisper 'I love you' to, and the only one they give a ring to.  What happens when you find out your marriage vows have been broken?  That which is meant to be sacred is gone.  Everything you believed about your relationship now seems to be a lie.  Believe me, it's a pain so intense both physically and emotionally that some people just don't make it through.
...when you enter into an affair your decision doesn't just affect you and the other person.  You may feel like its just the two of you in that passionate moment, and no one else, but the reality is you have made a decision that has a profound effect for the other people in your life, your spouse, your children, even your parents and your extended family.  You don't realize you have taken their rights away.  Like driving recklessly down the highway crossing the midline and hitting head on with another vehicle that was also driving in the same fashion.  Some marriages don't make it through and end in divorce.  In my case we chose to stay together, and start over.  I was able to forgive and we walked through the pain we both were in, and God's love and grace became the glue that holds us together."
He says..."poor decisions can cause devastation for oneself and those you claim to love.  In my case it was a co-worker I befriended, spent quite a bit of time with and found myself attracted to.  This is where a person needs to be careful because very subtly, and over a period of time your feelings become stronger.  I guess you're sending signals that you are interested.  And over time the closeness grows.  The pat on the shoulder becomes a hug, the look into the eyes becomes a light kiss.  All happening, and yet in your mind you try to convince yourself its still innocent.  You have not crossed the line.  But knowing deep down you have.  That other person is on your mind more than they should be.  Eventually the line is crossed and you find yourself in a full blown affair.  Cheating on the one you professed to love.  I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be involved in an affair.  I should have been strong enough to stop it.  But I didn't.  I was drawn in hook, line and sinker.  It cost me my dignity, it nearly cost me my wife and family.  Thank God my wife believed in the vows she spoke 15 years earlier and found it in her heart to forgive.  But forgiving is not forgetting.  Trust is broken.  They question who you really are.  They wonder if what you had was really a lie.  The healing process is slow, takes time, takes commitment.  But most of all it takes God's love."
She says ..."So if you find yourself wondering what an affair would be like, don't buy into the lies saying affairs are becoming the 'New Normal'.  An affair is not a way to bring excitement into your life or marriage.  If you are unhappily married, be responsible, get counselling, or get out before entering another relationship"